Cathryn "Cay" Durheim

Cathryn "Cay" Durheim, 58, of Elm Lake, SD, passed away on Thursday, May 7, 2026, at her home.

A Memorial Service will be held at 10:30 a.m., Friday, May 15, 2026, at New Life Fellowship, 619 8th Ave NW, Aberdeen, with pastor Micah Westby officiating.

A luncheon and time for fellowship will follow the service at the church.

A visitation will be held from 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. On Thursday, May 14, 2026, at Schriver's Memorial Chapel, Aberdeen, with a prayer service beginning at 7:00 p.m. Visitation continues one hour before the service. 

Schriver’s Memorial Mortuary and Crematory, 414 5th Avenue NW, Aberdeen, is honored to serve the Durheim family. Friends and family may sign the online guestbook at www.schriversmemorial.com. Services will be recorded and posted on Schriver’s Facebook following the service.

Cathryn “Cay” Mary Betting was born on October 6, 1967, in Ellendale, North Dakota, to Robert and Ursula “Toni” (Thiesen) Betting, the seventh of nine children. She graduated from Ellendale High School in 1985 and met Joel, her future husband, in 1988. Cay was united in marriage to Joel Durheim on July 13, 1991, at St. Helena’s Catholic Church in Ellendale. Together, they made their home in Ellendale, where they began their family.

Cay wore many hats throughout her life and carried each one with grace. She worked alongside her family at the Dickey County Abstract Office before beginning her career at Dakota Plains Credit Union, where her dedication and leadership eventually led her to become manager. She also spent time in real estate and proudly served as President of the Ellendale Public School Board, always finding meaningful ways to support her community and those around her.

While Cay began her career in various professional roles early in life, the family farm became her life’s work and the place where she made her greatest impact. She was the foundation of the operation. Largely self-taught, she managed the books and handled much of the financial side of things, ensuring everything stayed organized. Cay also took care of feeding the crew, often preparing home-cooked meals complete with delicious desserts and drinks. In many ways, the farm simply would not have been what it was without her.

Above all else, Cay’s greatest calling was being a mother. Her children were the center of her world, and she loved nothing more than caring for them, supporting them, and simply being their mom. She was present in every sense of the word, attending school events, sports, activities, and any moment where her kids needed her there. Whether it was cheering from the sidelines or helping behind the scenes, Cay never missed a chance to support her children. Her love was constant, steady, and deeply felt in everything she did.

Cay had a creative spirit and a true gift for making life beautiful. In her younger years, she enjoyed ceramics and was known for her magnificent handwriting, adding a personal touch and sense of care to everything she created. She loved working with her hands and found joy in crafting, especially when it meant spending time with her children making memories together. Whether it was a holiday project, homemade decorations, or creating for the fun of it, Cay was always turning ordinary moments into something special.

In 2012, Cay and Joel built their dream home and moved to Elm Lake, South Dakota, where Cay’s gift for hospitality truly flourished. Their home quickly became a gathering place for family and friends and the backdrop for countless celebrations. From family reunions, weddings, poker runs, graduations, and birthday parties to her iconic Daytona 500 gatherings, Cay loved bringing people together and making everyone feel welcome. The front lawn was often filled with laughter, stories, and loved ones making memories by the lake. Cay had a remarkable way of making people feel at home, earning her the affectionate title of the “hostess with the mostest.”

Cay was one of the most selfless people you could know. She would do anything for anyone and always put others before herself. She had an unwavering love for her family, and nothing brought her more happiness than her grandchildren. Cay was blessed with six grandchildren, each of whom she adored and held close to her heart in their own special way. She especially loved having them over for sleepovers, where they were spoiled with attention, treats, backwards days, movie nights, and afternoons in the pool. These times together meant the world to her, and she treasured the memories she created with them, memories her grandchildren will carry with them always.

Grateful to cherish her memory are her husband, Joel Durheim; her daughter, Darian (Luke) Bollum of Ellendale, North Dakota, and their children, Aidyn, BrookLynn, and Casen; her son, Chase Durheim (Sydney Engesser) of Ellendale, North Dakota, and their children, Nora, Brexton, and Mylee; her daughter, Paige Durheim (Joshua Blakely) of Sioux Falls, SD; and her son, Chance Durheim (Summer Roelke) of Ellendale, North Dakota.

Cay was preceded in death by her parents, Robert and Ursula “Toni” Betting; parents-in-law, Clifford and Sylvia Durheim; sisters-in-law, Peggy and Karen; and brothers-in-law, Fran, Bruce, and LeRoy.